Everyone has their secret revenge fantasies,

(...with apologies to WS Gilbert...)

 

As some day it may happen that a victim must be found,

I've got a little list -- I keep a little list.

Of society offenders who might well be underground,

And who never would be missed -- who never would be missed.

There's the pestilential nuisances who write for autographs--

All people who have flabby hands and irritating laughs --

All children who are up in dates, and floor you with 'em flat--

All persons who in shaking hands, shake hands with you like that--

And all third persons who on spoiling tete-a-tetes insist

They'd none of 'em be missed -- they'd none of 'em be missed!

 

CHORUS:

He's got 'em on the list -- he's got 'em on the list;

And they'll none of 'em be missed -- they'll none of 'em be missed.

 

There's the off-key serenader, who takes up sidewalk space.

And the texting motorist - I've got him on the list.

Or those with little doggies, always yapping in your face

They never would be missed -- they never would be missed

There's the pompous fracker, exibiting the ability

to foul the public watershed, without responsibility.

The overemoting actor, nothing but a ham

And the lonely hacker, spewing loads of spam.

I really want to know, why does he persist.

I don't think he'd be missed -- I'm sure he'd not be missed!

 

CHORUS:

He's got him on the list -- he's got him on the list;

I don't think he'll be missed -- I'm sure he'll not be missed!

 

The armchair radical and others of his ilk.

On his "truth" he will insist -- I've got 'em on the list!

Next to the unctious clerical, dressed in fancy silk

They'd none of 'em be missed -- they'd none of 'em be missed.

The mono-maniacal shooter claiming the right to arms

Regardless of the carnage, regardless of the harms.

Opportunistic looters, making off with goods

And terrorist recruiters, or youthful Chechen hoods.

My list just grows and grows with those with whom I'd rather not coexist

For they'd none of 'em be missed -- they'd none of 'em be missed!

 

CHORUS:

You may put 'em on the list -- you may put 'em on the list;

And they'll none of 'em be missed -- they'll none of 'em be missed!